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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Cats, Bugs, Bears, Monkeys, Piss, Shit & Shitty internet

So, yes, long time no update. shitty internet connections. For those of you I have talked to this will be repeat. For all others....

Sit back relax and enjoy.

So, I spent the last month in the bolivian jungle at an animal refuge. They offer refuge to animals who had a tough start in life i.e. abused monkeys (they actually found human semen in one I shit you not), talking parrots that were pets in bars and got peanuts thrown at them, thus learning really fowl language (like the word pun?)Pumas who´s mothers were killed and kept as pets (nothing funny about that), etc.

so I got there with intentions of working for 2 weeks with monkeys, but they shit and piss all over you all day long so i decided i wanted to work with a cat instead. but to work with a cat you have to stay a month And unfortunitly they had no cat openings for a week. so I said what the hell, you only get to walk a cat through the bolivian jungle once in your life right?. So I worked construction for a week and then got to work with the most baddass cat in the park. His name is Roy. He is a mountain Puma (very similar to a mountain lion)

What an experience!!! for starters, your average day consists of hiking 7 miles in the jungle up and down treacherous terrain every morning followed by lunch and a nap. Then we hike another 5 miles in the afternoon.

Let me just say this is not like walking a dog. Roy tries to pounce, scratch and bite you every chance he gets. And he gets quite a few, is usually successful and he´s a strong fucker. And you walk him with a rope that is tied around your waste. If he takes off running, he takes you with him. He dragged me down a cliff once which yeilded a large sratch and a bruize on half my arm.

For the first week I wanted to say fuck it and quit because it was so hard. And many people do quit. Last month he went through 5 people in a week. But after a while, your knees get used to all the hiking and your wits sharpen up real fast. Plus you get to know the cat and can learn to stop his attack. One time he jumped on me and I threw his ass down a hill, another time he took a chunk out of my leg. You win some you lose some. Seriously, this is one of the gnarliest things I have ever done and is definitely the bloodiest and muddiest I have ever been in my entire life, but you really learn a lot about earning respect. And demanding it in return.

the days were long. 7:30am till 5:30pm with only one day off every 2 weeks but everyone parties at night together. really a cool group of people at this place who all share a love for animals. Hard work, sometimes scary, but really rewarding.

let´s see..... what are some fun anecdotes....

-millions of bug bites that come to a head and puss up each day which offers plenty of great popping entertainment right before bed time.

-we lived in a shit hole hostel appropriately named Las Vegas, where the family running it thinks it´s funny to turn off the water while you are in the shower.
This is only if you are lucky enough to have water. Often times the monkey volunteers had to wear their monkey shit and piss to bed.

-Everyone gets giardia or a worm or some sort of shitting virus/parasite. The dude who I was walking Roy with got giardia twice. You know you have it because you go to the doctor, shit in a tiny cup to test the stool sample. Strange how they give you a tiny cup because if you have the bug, aiming bodily projectiles might be a problem. Everyone discusses the state of their BM´s (bowel movements for the laymen)out here. pretty hilarious.

-One girl got lost in the jungle walking a cat and when she did not come back for the party that night we had to go look for her. I had recently purchased an inflatable alligator raft which I turned into an alligator costume so I had to go look for her while I was a drunk alligator. We didn´t find her until the next morning. Buzz kill.

-I put together a fundraising party my last night at the park and we all got pretty smashed. To make a long story short, we raised money, partied till 5 am, and when I woke up at 1pm the next day I realized I had slept walked and pissed in the corner of my room. ON and IN my backpack. What the fuck!? (first time for everything) Plus I was leaving the next day so I had to travel with a piss soaked backpack for the last 24 hrs. Not cool. Turns out I was not the only one who pissed in my room that night.

-I left the park yesterday and last night I had the coldest bus ride of my life. Not only, to my surprise, did my pissy backpack freeze, but I was so cold I had to do aerobic exercises in the bus for an hour straight just to keep warm. I kid you not. It was then that one of the Bolivians realized I was freezing and was nice enough to give me one of his 3 blankets. I was the only gringo on the bus so the Bolivians must have thought I was mentally challenged.

I am currently waiting for a jeep to take me across the border into Chile where I will meander down and try to get some snowboarding in. The jeep was supposed to leave yesterday, but i got stuck in this town another night since there not enough people to fill the jeep, thus making it as proffitable as possible. Hopefully I can leave tonight.

The last month has been really great. A truly unique experience, but it is time to let my wounds and bug bites heal for a while.

Oh, and I got to work with a bear out there too who rips coconuts open with his bear hands. His name was Balu.

Enjoy the photos. I´ll try and update more often when i can.

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